*TRIGGER ALERT: This post reveals a glimpse into the hidden world of domestic violence. Read with caution. Proceed with action.
Your compassion for hitchhikers you pick up despite their threatening demeanors inspires me. Your strategy for pretended you are packing heat to protect yourself when you pick up scary passengers both amuses and saddens me.
I am so sorry you suddenly lost your two month old and the nature of your domestic partnership makes you question if the father suffocated him.
I am so sorry you find yourself coming back to someone who intentionally drove his Hummer into your car thereby necessitating you buy a used replacement car with a broken gas gauge putting you back in the position of hitchhiker in a rural area.
I wish I had more to recommend to you besides a referral for online counseling through Betterhelp.com (Liveperson has a lot of choices too).
Keep searching, keep trusting, keep protecting yourself and sharing your heart and your car. Give karma a nudge and stand up for yourself because you deserve joy, safety and freedom.
An Open Hearted Scaredy Cat