If you are like me, you didn’t grow up with many rituals, and you have a healthy suspicion of rituals and superstitions that get in the way of logic and individuality. Yet, after a breakup, divorce, or loss of a friendship we are often left to our own devices to get closure. The ends of relationships can feel as devastating as deaths, and we still have to deal with news and information about our ex.
Here are some tips for how to find or create a ritual that works for healing and acknowledging your loss:
1. Set your intention
The feelings you will get from your ritual can be enhanced if you decide what your intention is. It can be as simple as holding space for uncertainty, bringing love into your life, or honoring a chapter in your life that is closed.
2. Create an atmosphere
You can create an atmosphere in your home, or in your head. Perhaps you light candles or reread a poem or passage that transports you to a desired state of being.
3. Borrow from traditions that work for you and keep going until you find something that works
If a grieving ritual works for you, try it out. If a high energy personal pep talk in the mirror for you gets you starting your day the way you want, use it. Notice if you are a more cerebral, sentimental or emotional. Selecting something to read, or write about can work great for someone who is more cerebral. Setting up an atmosphere with certain music or scents can work well for someone who is more sentimental or emotional. Look online at mymorningroutine.com for ideas.
4. Set aside dedicated time and space to do this ritual
If you are short on privacy, you might need to get creative. Maybe you can do your ritual quickly in the bathroom, or listen to an inspiring chapter from a book while riding public transit as you methodically count beads on a necklace. Whatever system you set up, be sure to commit to it fully, even if it needs adjustment.
No matter what level of uncertainty you have in your relationship, you can give yourself composure and clarity by doing a ritual. Whether you are wondering if this breakup is for real, or you are realizing it has been a full two years since you have dated, today is a perfect day for creating a ritual for committing to being the best you regardless of your relationship status.